#011 - Authenticity and belonging
This theme has been perculating around me for a little while now – and it's one that is close to my heart.
As many of us 'Seekers' and who are on a personal growth journey – we may have been initiated unto this Path through having a hard time with connecting truly to others.
I believe that we are all born into this world fully Authentic and feeling abundantly worthy of everything that life has to offer. Then we pick up fear, scarcity and shame from our wounded environments and the people around us. Maybe somebody projects their own pain onto us and abuses us in some way when we are young and vulnerable. Maybe they see our light and our innocent authenticity – and it triggers them somehow, maybe it reminds them of that which in them was buried long time ago – and they respond by squashing down our light in some way. Maybe they criticise us, maybe they find a way to make us feel unloveable or not good enough.
Maybe it's not a specific person who squashes your authenticity and dims your light – maybe it's being in a collective environment that only appreciates certain types of being. Certain ways of intelligence; certain ways of appearance and body type; certain type of humour... Maybe the collective as a whole is under the illusion that there is a limited amount of love and attention available – and therefore its members have to compete with each other in order to be 'at the top'. In a world that is scarce in love and attention it makes sense to put other people down, so that you can get ”more of the good stuff” yourself.
So – growing up in a collective whose 'Story of the Universe' is based on scarcity is likely to involve forms of competition, meanness and bullying.
Maybe you have now gone through the journey of becoming aware of all of this and are discerning about what you surround yourself with – which people, which environments, which activities...?
You might be on an inward journey too – discovering the person YOU truly are – beyond the prescriptions of society, expectations of your parents or the demands of your schooling. What do you truly enjoy, what gifts do you have – how do you learn best and where do your passions lie?
You are seeking what brings you joy, what brings pleasure, ease and comfort. Continuing being around what doesn't allow you to be yourself is tiring. Being inauthentic is exhausting. You seek what supports your growth to becoming the truest version of yourself. You are letting go of the personas that you learned you 'had to be' in order to fit in, in order to be liked or to be successful in the old paradigm.
The old paradigm taught you you had to be something in order to be loved and accepted. Maybe it was to 'not be too much', to not be too emotional, to not show vulnerability. Maybe it was that you had to self-abandon and take care of others. Maybe it was that you had to be 'cool' in some way. Maybe it was that you had to look a certain way or have certain friends. Maybe it was to not shine your light too bright, so that others wouldn't feel jealous of you.
The old paradigm taught you that in order to belong – you have to sacrifice your authenticity in some way.
Therefore, in the process of entering deeper layers of your personal authenticity – it can bring up the fear about whether you can 'belong' whilst expressing this deeper layer of your being. It makes complete sense to have this fear – after all, at some point in your life you were taught that this was 'not okay to be'. That 'being this way' would cause you to be ridiculed, abandoned or hurt in some way.
The beauty of healing in conscious community is that we work together to create a safe space for each person to be their authentic selves. That it is safe to be seen, to be vulnerable, to be brilliant and creative. It's safe to feel our emotions and to process them. It's safe to connect, it's safe to express our boundaries. That does not mean it is always easy. It's an art, a creative process.
Becoming aware of the ways in which we might be holding ourselves back with others, the ways in which we might be resorting to 'people pleasing tactics' or self abandonment whilst in connection...
Practicing leaning towards courage to choosing the opposite.
And sometimes we need to be aware of our desperation to belong. Again, this impulse makes perfect sense – after all, we are social creatures and on many levels our survival depends on belonging. Being part of a family, of a community, of a tribe. But when our need to belong is impeding on our ability to go deeper into our authenticity – this inhibits our growth and true connection. Maybe it's true that we cannot become more authentic within a particular group or community. Or maybe it's more about our perception. In either case – we may benefit from letting go of the 'grasping to belong', in order to create space for our more authentic layer to become expressed. Whether this results in attracting new people or a new community – or whether in you simply bringing more of yoursef into your existing connections – the result is deeper connection, more authenticity and ease.
Act of Courage: Mine for the diamonds within. Move beyond the fear of 'not belonging'. You do belong and this is your birthright. The right people and situations to share your diamonds, your authentic self will align and support you. The ripple effects of showing up courageously authentic will extend through the world. You will inspire others to do the same. Together we create a world where Authenticity and Belonging are no longer at odds – but supportive of each other.
image credit: Alice Alinari on Unsplash
