#016 - On money: part 2
Have you ever thought about your relationship with money?
How does this question make you feel?
Unless it’s a completely new idea that you might even ask such a question – perhaps you do have an intuition about this relationship.
So – How is your relationship with money ?
Is it healthy? Is it avoidant? Is it constricted, stressed, obsessed?
Are you fearful of money? Do you think money is naughty, bad, evil?
Do you think that money is too cool for you and wants nothing to do with you?
Do you think that you have to sacrifice your health, enjoyment or autonomy in order to have money?
Have you thought about how your relationship with money impacts the outcomes in your life? Have you thought about how the way YOU feel about money is affecting its flow in and out of your life? Have you thought about how your relationship with money is affecting your choices, what you believe is possible, what options you consider?
One of the biggest illusions that we can make is to think that our attitudes have nothing to do with the outcomes we are seeing.
If a woman is riddled with mistrust, anger and hate towards men – do you believe she is going to find healthy partnership with a man she desires and respects? Either she will be completely closed off to any potential of relationship, or if she isn’t, her antagonism is going to ward off any self-respecting, integrated man.
If you can see how a woman’s relationship to men can affect the types of men she attracts and the types of relationships she gets into – then perhaps you can see how her relationship with money could affect the financial outcomes in her life.
Whilst gardening in the permaculture society’s communal garden, a friend of mine once said to me:
“Money is the root of all evil”
I contested this conjecture from a logical standpoint, making the case that money was neutral and had several functions in society that had their uses – what was ‘evil’ was how some people used money in society.
In my conscious mind, my relationship to money was neutral. However, it wasn’t until a few years later that I discovered that in my subconscious – my relationship to money wasn’t neutral at all. It was constricted, avoidant, small and fearful. I pretended like I didn’t want or need money, because I was choosing to value things like friendship, connection, health and freedom.
The woundedness in my way of thinking about money was that I didn’t believe I could have those things AND have money. In my subconscious, I thought that in order to HAVE money, I would have to sacrifice all those things. Needless to say – for a number of years, I had very little money.
Once I came to realise that my relationship with money wasn’t healthy – I started to work on changing that relationship. Changing how I thought about money, how I felt about money and what I believed about money on the subconscious level.
Within two years I had doubled my income, made an investment, was able to transition from a shared living situation to living by myself in a home that I love and have enjoyed experiences that had not been within my reach before. I feel more at ease, more pleasure and comfort in my day-to-day life, which has a ripple effect on my mental health, physical health and spiritual health.
All of this stemmed from me taking the step to stop and reflect on my relationship with money.
In my experience – women in particular can end up in a pattern of avoidance when it comes to money. We can feel low in confidence, fearful or even lazy when it comes to money. Even if its only subconscious – on some level we may feel like there is a chance we’ll get taken care of financially. We might just get away with not really thinking about it and waiting for Prince/Partner charming to show up.
This is why I have made the decision in my coaching practice to bring my attention to supporting women with financial empowerment, in particular.
I look forward to jamming with you on this – please share my work with anyone who may find it of interest.
