#028 - Stop being a little bitch
I heard this line on Mark Groves podcast and it made me chuckle. I think it captures something so perfectly and is a refreshingly sobering tonic in the midst of the emotional-therapy-spiritual Cocktail Party that us personal development nerds can sometimes find ourselves in.
For me, “being a little bitch” is about staying in a wounded energetic, it looks like blaming and complaining, when no longer helpful. Being emotional and dramatic in the wrong way. It’s a manifestation of the wounded feminine energy (although, obviously both men and women can express it as we have a connection to both energies within) which in its watery essence spills everywhere when it doesn’t have a proper container.
The emotional license that our society grants women can sometimes seduce us into staying in our ‘little bitch’ phase a little longer than we need.
Although feeling your feelings and not having to suppress your emotions is a fantastic, liberating thing - I think we are wise to be aware of its potential shadow side. We may find ourselves comforted by the temporary relief that we get from complaining, dramatising gossiping, ranting and - well - bitching. But this relief is only temporary, and only treats the symptoms, not the cause. By looping around this behaviour we are kind of skirting around the real problem, avoiding confronting it by getting attached to the drama.
But the alternative isn’t to stuff your feelings or to busy yourself into distraction (well, they are, but they are not the one I’m advocating!)
You can feel your feelings in an empowered way, instead of a wounded way.
This means getting to the root of your emotion, which is sometimes referred to as “energy in motion”, rather than letting it fester on the level of anger, blame, shame or guilt. Getting to the root of why you are hurting and really connecting to that feeling in a safe space is what allows you to actually process it. It’s what allows you to let it go and to alchemise it towards your growth, rather than being controlled by it.
So - the medicine to “being a little bitch” is to stop feeling your feelings on a superficial level. Instead, dive deep into them to figure out what they are really about - and start working on that level, taking ownership over your entire emotional body and it’s healing.
Beneath anger is often grief. Beneath envy is often inspiration. Beneath frustration is a boundary that needs to be set. Beneath betrayal or feelings of rejection - often a form of Self-abandonment.
This confrontation is easier said than done, especially if your adaptive strategy has been to avoid your feelings – I know that from experience. It will take time to create the safety you need to get this intimate with yourself.
But it’s absolutely worth it. And – there’s no other way, if you wish to get to the other side of that mountain.
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Sometimes we need a powerful statement to jump start our engines - when we are ripe to make a change, it can be just the spark we need.
But sometimes we (or other people) are just not ready. Sometimes we need to bash into the side of the mountain a few more times, before we’re hurting enough to try a different approach.
That’s okay too, we are all on our own timelines and our process can’t genuinely be rushed.
So - even if you need to be a little bitch a little longer – it’s all good.
You will know when you’re ready.
We still love you and will be waiting for you on the side of the mountain.
But if you ARE ready –
Stop being a little bitch.
Be a Big, Badass Bitch instead.
Cover photo by Mads Schmidt Rasmussen on Unsplash
