#001 - The beginning
Here we are - at the beginning. For a while now, I have been holding the desire to create an online space where I can share my writing in a way that feels contained and free. Now I sit here, and I’m not sure exactly what I want to write about! But in my commitment to shifting from perfectionism and control - towards intuition, flow and expression - here I am. Started writing, before I have a plan.
I am about to launch ‘Thrive with Taimi’ - a “rebrand of my coaching business” you could call it. I used to feel resistance to those terms that felt too ‘marketing & business-y’ to me. I now have less shadow around words like ‘branding’ and ‘marketing’ - and can actually see them in a positive light now. But what is happening right now feels like more than ‘rebranding’ - It feels like I am creating a space where I can express, create and play. Having this ‘blog’ section is a big part of that.
I began writing when I was 9 years old. I remember that I had read in a book about a girl who kept a diary, and I decided that it seemed like a cool thing to do and that I would do that too. Whilst on holiday in Crimea, I found a ‘Melrose Place’ themed thick notebook on the market. I had never seen Melrose Place, but it seemed like the sort of thing you would find on the cover of a teenagers’ diary. I bought this and it would become my very first diary. I remember at the end of this holiday when my grandmother took me to St. Petersburgh on a three day long train journey - I would write in my diary and enjoy my new identity as a ‘girl who writes a diary’. I felt cool and deep.
My diary served another purpose I was not conscious of at the time. It was a place where I could express my feelings and thoughts freely. At this point, my parents were starting their new families, we had a big move and two younger siblings suddenly appeared in my life. There was a lot of change and turbulence around me. My relationship with my father was severely impacted by the arrival of an abusive stepmother, his inability to protect me adequately and me moving to another city with my mother, who was my primary custodian. I also felt that my relationship with my mother changed a lot at that time as it was no longer just the two of us - but my stepfather and my brother as well. Suddenly she had all these other people to give her energy to. My need for reassurance that she still loved me as much as before was left unmet. At this point, my shadow belief about myself as ‘too needy’ , ‘too demanding’ and ‘too much’ was rife. My parents weren’t able to hear my emotional needs and meet them - so I needed to grow up fast in this regard and hold my own space as best I could with what tools were available to me then.
So - writing was my first and only form of therapy for many years. Although now, at 31 years old, many more doors towards healing have opened up - journalling and writing are still important practices to me. My writing practice has developed over the years. I used to write ‘Captains Logbook’ style entries about the events that had happened during the day. Then - I discovered that I could skip all of that and just get straight to the “how do I feel about all of this?” section - which was the juicy part!
More recently - an important element of my journalling practice is doing what I call ‘Dialogues’. These are a method for doing Inner Child - work and ‘Parts’ - work, which I have come to find as useful psychological tools to help me understand my needs and my feelings better.
So there we are - I have shared the Origin Story of my writing practice, which seems fitting as I am at the threshold of another beginning - doing this in public and being witnessed in my expression.
Thank you for being here, I appreciate you.
